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Katie's Blog

Navigating Spiritual Transformation Through the Dark Night of the Soul

Updated: Jun 19, 2024


In the depths of our darkest moments lies the birthplace of our greatest strength. It's a truth often overlooked in the pursuit of light and positivity, but one that holds profound wisdom: "The darkest part of your story gave birth to the strongest part of your soul." Learning to let go and let flow was the only path out of the darkness that engulfed me.



"The darkest part of your story gave birth to the strongest part of your soul."
"The darkest part of your story gave birth to the strongest part of your soul."

My Forest Fire: Finding a Path Through Unexpected and Unwanted Changes


A year ago today, I picked up from my wonderful home in Carmel Indiana and moved to the suburbs of Denver Colorado. Change has always been a formidable opponent for me, yet it seems to seek me out relentlessly. It finds me at unexpected moments, disrupting the comfortable rhythm of my life. However, instead of resisting, I've been trying to learning to flow with the currents of change, embracing the ebb and flow of life's unpredictable tides.


In October of 2022, I was faced with perhaps the most formidable change yet. It was an unwelcome upheaval, shaking the very foundations of my existence. In the face of this monumental shift, I found myself grappling with a myriad of emotions – fear, uncertainty, and a profound sense of loss. Yet, amidst the chaos, I also discovered a newfound sense of resilience, inner strength and a deep peace.


In the midst of what seemed like a blissful period of contentment and peace, a sudden storm of change descended upon my life. After my abrupt move just two years earlier when I walked out of my mentally abusive marriage and moved from Illinois to Indiana. I was again faced with another life changing move. I had found true happiness in Indianapolis, surrounded by a wonderful and supportive circle of new and old friends and family. I had settled down, I planted my roots deeply into to the ground and I was prepared to live their forever. But the tranquility was shattered when I learned that my family were uprooting our lives and relocating across the country to Colorado. They expressed their desire for me to move and join them so we could all be together. My brother and his family had already moved to Colorado many years before and my parents felt the need to be closer to him and their grandchildren. The caveat was that my parents would not move unless I did as they did not want to leave me alone without family in Indiana. Needless to say, this left me in quite the predicament.


Katie with trees
An image of Katie just a few weeks before the move to Colorado

The news hit me like a tidal wave, plunging me into a deep, suffocating depression. It was a blackout darkness that enveloped me, obscuring any glimmer of hope or light. In the midst of this profound despair, I found myself grappling with feelings of helplessness and isolation. I couldn't see a way out, couldn't envision a future beyond the suffocating weight of my emotions. While my family buzzed with excitement over the upcoming move, eagerly discussing plans and possibilities, I found myself adrift once again.


Just two years prior after my last move, I had finally found my footing in Indianapolis. I had forged deep connections, cultivated meaningful friendships, and fallen in love with Indiana again. And the thought of uprooting myself and starting anew, especially after undergoing a similar transition just two years prior, filled me with dread.


Garden of the Gods, Colorado Springs
Garden of the Gods, Colorado Springs

But as I stumbled blindly through the darkness, I discovered a resilience within myself that I never knew existed. It was a journey of survival, of learning to navigate through the depths of my own despair. In those moments of utter desolation, I learned the importance of reaching out for help, even when every fiber of my being resisted. It was a lesson in vulnerability, in allowing others to bear witness to my pain and offer their lights, support and compassion.


I ultimately decided to move to Colorado, not for my own sake, but for the sake of my nephews. This decision stemmed from the close relationship I had with my grandparents while growing up. Bubbie and Grandpa lived nearly fifteen minutes from my childhood homes until they moved to Sanibel Island when I was thirteen. They were an integral part of who I am and who I have become. I wished the same closeness for my nephews, for them to grow up near their grandparents.


Unfortunately, I did not realize how much harder it would be and how much I would regret the decision to move. While it seemed to me that making a significant change for someone else, especially someone you love, would be easier, it became a constant source of struggle. It seemed a sweet idea, to make a change you do not want at all for someone you love. But it wasn't; changing my life for an ideal turned out to be much more challenging than I anticipated. So I decided to try living in Colorado for a year.


One morning, just a week or so before our move and in the mist of turmoil leading up the the big move to Colorado, I woke up rubbing my arm in a specific place, with a phrase echoing in my mind — my own words, words I often spoke during readings: "Let it go, Let it Flow." It felt as though Spirit had placed these words directly on my tongue, a gentle yet insistent reminder to surrender to the currents of change rather than resist them.


I immediately texted my favorite tattoo artist. A few days later I found myself sitting in a tattoo parlor, watching as he etched waves of change onto my arm in the same place I woke up touching just a few days prior. It was a permanent reminder to embrace the ebb and flow of life's unpredictable tides, to ride the waves of change with grace and resilience, rather than fighting against them. It is now one of my most treasured mottos I life my life by and often mention it to clients while in sessions or coaching. And it is my constant reminder to release and remember to ride the waves of change rather than fight them with everything I have in my body.


A lush green forest, rebuilt and standing tall many years after a fire

"Forest fires are nature's way of cleansing the landscape, clearing out the old to make way for the new. In their wake, they leave behind a blank canvas upon which new life can flourish and thrive." Katie Rose


Spirit consistently draws parallels between the changes and grief I had gone through with the move and the metaphor of a forest fire. Just as a forest fire clears out old debris and breaks down outdated energy that no longer serves our highest light, it also creates space for new memories, adventures, and growth. This period in my life, nearly two years now was akin to the season of a forest fire and renewal.


While witnessing the devastation of a once vibrant forest reduced to a charred landscape is heart-wrenching, it's important to recognize that from this destruction emerges the promise of renewal. As the first green shoots of new growth appear and life begins to return to the scorched earth, we are reminded of the resilience of nature and the cyclical nature of life.


The concept of forest fires first came to me when Hurricane Ian struck Florida in September of 2022, a place deeply intertwined with my childhood memories of visiting my grandparents on Sanibel Island. Despite the devastation wrought by the storm, Spirit offered a perspective of hope and renewal. Just as a forest fire clears away the old and damaged to make room for the new and thriving, so too will the land eventually be refreshed and healed. This is the cycle of life - one of destruction, renewal and ultimately growth.


"Forest fires are nature's way of cleansing the landscape, clearing out the old to make way for the new. In their wake, they leave behind a blank canvas upon which new life can flourish and thrive." Katie Rose
"Forest fires are nature's way of cleansing the landscape, clearing out the old to make way for the new. In their wake, they leave behind a blank canvas upon which new life can flourish and thrive." Katie Rose

After moving and going though the process of cultivating such deep roots just two years prior, the mere thought of uprooting and moving filled me with profound exhaustion as well as a deep sadness. In my search for solace after arriving in Colorado, I turned to our dear Mother Earth. Gaia, who became a steadfast source of comfort and guidance throughout the transition. During moments of longing for my former home and grappling with the grief of loss, Mother Earth imparted a message that resonated deeply within me: "As long as you are here on Earth, you are home. You have the ability to replant your roots and find home within this sacred space." So I learned to plant my roots in Colorado and while the landscape above the earth was so very different than Indiana, I was unprepared for how different it was below ground. Planting myself here has been a completely new experience and I have had to learn how to connect to the Earth here as well. However, after all of these waves of change I am working on not planting my roots as deeply, knowing now that change will come again one day.


And slowly, ever so slowly, I began to emerge from the shadows. With each tentative step forward, I found a new strength within myself. It was a metamorphosis, a shedding of old skin to make way for new growth. The darkness had stripped away everything I thought I knew, leaving behind raw, exposed wounds. But in that vulnerability, I found the seeds of healing. I remember sometime in late September or early October driving down the road, looking up at the beautiful and magical mountains only to hear my internal voice say, "I think I like this place." I was fucking shocked! My first response was absolute resistance because at this point I wasn't sure if I had made a mistake moving to Colorado and I was still very much considering moving back to Indiana. And that one thought caused a total meltdown, I messaged my coach immediately and her advice was to lean into that feeling, and allow the emotions to come...which I did. And slowly but surely I began to find my path forward and to fall in love with my new life in Colorado.


During a recent coaching call with my dear friends, soul sisters and coachs Christian and Christianne, we discussed the changes in my energy from when I started working with them in September to now. They both notices how different my energy was from September until now, (this call was at the end of March 2024.) Christianne and Christian spoke of the peace and energy now that fills me verses the dread, fear and regret I had about the move when they first met me. And truly for me, I see myself back in the dark and now in the light. I have learned so much valuable information about myself and about the power of the dark night of the soul.


Today, as I stand on the other side of that dark night, after a year spent living in Colorado. I am filled with gratitude for the lessons it taught me. I have found a new sense of peace and fulfillment in Colorado, surrounded by love and support of my family, friends and community. But more importantly, I carry with me the wisdom gleaned from my darkest moments. I know now that even in the depths of despair, there is always a flicker of hope, a spark of resilience waiting to be ignited. And it is through embracing the darkness that we ultimately find our way back to the light.


Garden of the Gods, Colorado Springs
Here I stand amidst the stunning beauty of Garden of the Gods, bearing a timeless reminder etched on my arm: 'Let it go, let it flow.'

And I often think of my beautiful and majestic mountains, they have stood silent sentinels, their rugged peaks reaching towards the clouds. Each rise and fall of the land tells a story of resilience and endurance, shaped by centuries of change due to of wind, water, and time. The mountains stand as a reminder of nature's timeless beauty and grandeur despite thousands and millions of years of change, shaping their beauty. They are my other reminder to, "Let it go, Let it Flow."


And...I have found out so many new and wonderful things about myself since my move including the fact that I have had several past lives in Colorado. For instance, on a trip to the Garden of the Gods (August 26th, 2023) I was enamored with the whispers of the spirits, my ancestors who are the guardians of the land. There were butterflies and dragonflies everywhere and I even caught an orb in two of my pictures I took that day. While I cannot share everything the spoke to me, this song was blowing on the breeze and in the land, rocks & trees.



We are here,

Guardians of the land.

We are here,

Remember who you are.

You are home, safe within

the arms of your ancestors.

See the ground,

Remember your life once lived here

in the shadows of these mountains.

The eyes of your soul are

watching you here.



Garden of the Gods, Colorado Springs Colorado


If you find yourself navigating through a dark night of the soul, here are some reminders to help guide you through the blackness.


Reach out for Support: You don't have to go through this alone. Don't hesitate to ask for help from friends, family, or a trusted professional. Sharing your burden can lighten the load and provide invaluable support. In my most recent depression and black out, I only started to see the light when I reached out to ask for help from my friends


Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself during this challenging time. Offer yourself the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in need. Remember, it's okay not to be okay.


Embracing the Difficult Path

Your path may be more difficult because your calling is higher. It's a notion that challenges us to see adversity not as a roadblock, but as a signpost guiding us towards our purpose. When faced with challenges and obstacles, it's easy to feel disheartened and defeated. But perhaps, it's in those moments of darkness that we're being called to rise, to shine, and to make a difference.


Navigating the Dark Night of the Soul

The concept of the dark night of the soul speaks to the profound spiritual transformation that occurs during times of intense suffering and despair. It's a period of profound inner turmoil and existential crisis, where the very foundations of our identity and beliefs are shaken to their core. Yet, it's within this darkness that we find the seeds of our greatest growth.


 Seek Meaning and Purpose: Reflect on the lessons and growth opportunities that may be hidden within the darkness. Use this time of introspection to explore your values, passions, and aspirations, and consider how you can align your life with greater meaning and purpose.


Walking the Line of Dark and Light

As spiritual light healers, we walk the delicate line between dark and light every day. We bear witness to the pain and suffering of others, offering guidance and healing in their darkest hours. But in doing so, we also confront our own shadows, facing the depths of our own humanity and vulnerability.


Embrace Vulnerability: Allow yourself to be vulnerable and open up about your struggles. Sharing your feelings with others can foster deeper connections and create a sense of belonging.



Find Solace in Nature: Spend time outdoors and immerse yourself in the healing power of nature. Whether it's a walk in the park, a hike in the mountains, or simply sitting beneath a tree and hold their branch or leaves like you are holding your best friends hand, connecting with the natural world can provide comfort and perspective.


Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Whether it's journaling, meditating, practicing yoga, or indulging in a favorite hobby, prioritize self-care practices that bring you joy and relaxation.


Remember the Light: Even in the darkest moments, there is always a glimmer of light. During the years following my brain surgery, my mom gave me a refrigerator magnet that had the most beautiful saying on it and I still have it to this day. The magnet had a back background with a white spiral, around the spiral it reads, "If you are going through hell, keep going." That saying is always in my head! So hold onto hope and trust that brighter days lie ahead. Keep faith in your resilience and inner strength to carry you through the darkness and into the light.


The Hardest Paths Lead to the Greatest Teachings

We, as healers, often find ourselves traversing the most challenging paths so that we can guide others through their own journeys of healing and transformation. It's through our own struggles and triumphs that we gain the wisdom and insight to support others on their paths.


Make It Happen, Shock Everyone

So, let us embrace the darkness as we would the light. Let us recognize that our struggles are not a sign of weakness, but a testament to our resilience and strength. And let us remember that our calling is not to shrink away from adversity, but to rise above it, to make it happen, and to shock everyone with the depth of our courage and compassion.


Above all, remember that you are not defined by your struggles, and there is always hope for healing and renewal. You are deserving of love, support, and compassion, and there are people who care about you and want to help you through this difficult time. There is too much evidence that everything will be ok! And in the end, it's through embracing the darkness that we find the light within ourselves, illuminating the path for others to follow.

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